No one will tell you exactly how to overcome an ex, so I will

It is at this time of year: turkeys are fried, Christmas party invitations are coming … and can not stop thinking about your ex. Who is doing Thanksgiving instead of you? What vagabond put a little nerdy trinket for her under the tree this year? Your heart breaks imagine, but has not been together for weeks. If only you had a magic wand and stop the pain.

We’ve all been there, but thanks to the pioneering work of John Gottman at the Laboratory of Love at the University of Washington, should not be a character in a Wham! Video more. I am about to teach an inverse lifehack systematically destroy all the desire of the person who has broken with you. Note: this is not for the faint of heart; Like all Once Upon a Time spells, it’s hard to reverse and comes with a very heavy price. So if you think it is even the furthest possible that you are back together, do not try.

One of the pillars of Gottman’s work, presented in the book of Malcolm Gladwell Blink, is what he calls the four horses of an “apocalypse” relationship: Criticism, Defensive, Contempt and Evasive. These are the things that kill relationships, eroding the attraction and affection that attracted him first. One of the hardest things to do when a relationship ends, especially if you’re the “dumpee” or if there was a betrayal that came out of nowhere, you stop seeing the person through pink glasses . If you want to remove all those warm and loving for someone that you really feel better feelings, you can deliberately engage Gottman’s Four Cavaliers in a “mental gymnastics” session to return your heart in a different direction ( Do not try this exercise in person, use a diary, meditate, or just return it in your mind as you go on your day). As you practice these four steps, your tenderness for one who Got Away magically become apathy to someone you used to Saber. Again, do not try if you “take a break” – the participation of the Four Horsemen is not something we do lightly because it will plant a seed of discord in your heart for your ex will probably be irreversible!

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One: Criticism

Think about all the things that concerned your ex. Be as critical as you can be, to the point of ridicule. Go to your place and darker than all the things that bother you at first, but you left because you were “in love.” Your hair a little too Donald Trump? Did you use the new balancing sneakers with faded jeans before taking her to shopping? Does the style or taste before? How is your muffin? It was not boring how she never found time to get on a treadmill, but still found time frenzy on Netflix with a bowl of chips? Do not you hate when he laughed his aviator sunglasses while swinging these ridiculous Mary-Kate Olsen imitations? Be as critical as possible. Make a list if you need it (but the records, believe me, you do not want the list to be seen by everyone but you).

Two: Defensiveness

Now put on the bar of the witnesses. Get everything through its self-justification, and defend everything your ex could have been criticizing. Maybe he broke up with you because he said you stopped taking care of yourself. Was it not because you were so busy taking his socks or hello, taking care of their children? How can you say that? Did he complain that he did not have a pretty good job? I guess we can not all prostitute ourselves for an increase or the friends of Papa stages gives us Ivy League, right? She does not understand you at all – some people have to work to live! Again – go there, hyperbolic. Get up on your high horse and defend that your ex is trying to make a federal deal why you deserved to be dumped.

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Three: Contempt

Gottman often refers to contempt as the best predictor of divorce because it puts another person in a position that is weaker than you and you can not be a partner with someone you can not see as Its equal. Cultivating contempt for an ex is a very powerful type of brainwashing because it prevents it from seeing them as someone who could be on the same level. To cultivate your ex’s contempt, you must be more than critical – you must be downright insulting. Contempt is a personal attack that strikes another person. It is not, “She always left those piles of hair in the shower,” it is “She was a disgusting mess that even not rated the basic cleaning.” He is not “a man who always flirts with other women” is “a fiery misogynist who does not see women as objects.” Contempt leads to criticism a little further by reducing a person to a stereotype or ” An object.It removes his humanity and allows you to reject them as an inferior being who are not of your level.

Four: Stonewalling

Evasives is the last step in the end of a relationship: complete and total separation. It is when you put up a “figurative stone wall” between you and another person, completely excluding them.When you try to get more than one ex, it means a complete and total separation.If you are in the The same social circle does not mean being an idiot, on the contrary it simply means not having more meaningful conversations with them, not sending a Christmas card (do you really want to see a picture of him and his new wife in Dirty sweaters anyway?) This means disconnecting – cut all unnecessary “casual” links that have kept so far.This person no longer has reason to be an integral part of his / her life.For your own sanity , Keep a deliberate distance.Yes, you should get rid of it on Instagram and Facebook.Cleans your selfish will not go any faster, a friend.

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At first, this process may feel like “sour grapes” and yes, with the four riders to overcome an ex can seem extreme. If still lose their life and grieving past energy, it closes any chance of future happiness with someone who is good for you. So go ahead!