Making Long Distance Relationship Work
For most of human history, distance relationships have been unsustainable for reasons of travel alone. The era of the Internet has made it much easier, but as I met my girlfriend, romance and relationships are a different animal when thousands of miles apart.
As we have said, sometimes failure is the best way to learn. My girlfriend and I are in our second chance now after intial attempt long range went wrong. Accordingly, it is possible to bridge the gap, both physically and figuratively, but not without major changes in our behavior. The first attempt did not end well, but after learning some important lessons that have managed to get a normal relationship ,, local ridiculous. I will not be able to tell you how to be happy forever or find the secret to a marriage of 50 years. Far from there. Hopefully this can at least offer to help with the problems of being separated.
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The physical aspect is more important than you think
An eight-year psychology degree to realize that these are big hugs is needed. However, you will start to lose after six months of being away from your partner. Not only physical affection that is lost in the distance, either. There are chances that even the most technologically savvy couples communicate primarily via text sessions, voice chat and video time to time. If you have ever spent time talking with someone face to face, it’s a big step down.
For most of their conversations, there are whole areas of human interaction’re not privvy. You do not get to see them smile. You do not get to sit next to them on the couch. You can not say that your body language is different when they are angry. In fact, if you do not speak with them by phone or video, you can not know if they are angry at all, unless the information voluntarily.
This puts more pressure on verbal communication. Much more than we’re used to, actually. If you go into a room and see her crying on the couch couple, it would be insensitive to push a video of a cat playing with in front of her face boxes. However, if your primary method of communication is via IM or text message, you can do just that without realizing it.
As in most situations, the key to overcoming this problem is communication, but that may not come naturally. In this case, using your imaginary audience can be helpful. Internet culture has a way of complete selfishness in all of us. That is why we share things like what foods we eat or what movie we see. If you find yourself wanting to share something with the audience of people perceived interest in your partner (eg, “I had a bad day”), share with them instead of Twitter.
Your partner will spend a lot oftime with other
It seems obvious, but if you do not live in the same area, your partner will get your dose of socialization elsewhere. Most people will tell you that spending time together is essential to maintain a relationship alive. When you’re separated by hundreds of miles, however, their primary method to achieve this is to spend a lot of face time with a cold, the digital display.
This does not mean you can not have a meaningful interaction. Skype and Hangouts offer great opportunities to spend quality time with your partner, either alone or with others. However, they do not replace leaving home. If your partner is going to a concert, a movie or to dinner, go without you and perhaps others.
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If you jealous type, and it is hard not to be in a long distance relationship, which is particularly problematic. You wish you could be there, but can not. This causes tensions. also causes paranoia (about which more in a moment). It may be possible to overcome this problem in time to be together and to reassure each other that if you could, would all benefit activities. However, you can never completely change the fact that when your partner is out fun and be home alone, almost always feel a bit like rejection.
In this case, some overcompensation can do much good. It’s likely that if you are living in the same city, seems too soft if your partner sent a message saying:. “I wish you were here” Whenever I went to dinner When you are a thousand of miles away, however, this type of recall over matter. Let your beloved that this situation is not optimal. They were assured that if I could be part of your journey it would be. it will not solve the fact he has not seen for months, but it will be a small consolation at a time into account all amenities.
It can also relieve your own concerns to fill your time with their own activities. We all have our own means and recharge every night your partner is out of communication is an opportunity to do things that benefit. Read a book. Go to a party. Build something. Find something to invest your time and relax, while your partner is doing the same thing.
Time differences skew Outlook
If your long distance relationship is that it covers several time zones, things will get tougher. The relations are based on shared experiences, which are hard enough when you’re separated by hundreds of miles. If you’re on the West Coast and it is on the East Coast, however, then your “bed time” is his “middle of the night.” His “first thing in the morning” is his “been at work for an hour and a half.”
If you have an idea of how important this is, they try to show at your next dinner invitation three hours late (or more if your partner is on another continent). You’ll probably find a few upset guests who have already eaten and moved the restaurant.
If you are separated by so much space that you are more than one or two in sync, to set a timetable. Try to find routines that correspond to each other. If you have not, do something. Pick a day each week to spend the night together. Talk every day for at least a while. This is so that long distance relationships do not differ much from the short distance, but an extra effort is needed to reach the baseline, so it can not be overlooked.
You need a map Endgame
All precautions and the communication is not much if nothing ever changes mean. You can keep your situation temporarily, but are not a permanent solution. Long distance relationships are not an objective of working-holidays, the next meeting place, or a permanent relocation, are relationships that create their own expiration date.
Goals give you a purpose, something to justify the stress of being separated. Imagine working an internship for several years without any indication of when you can move up to get a suitable job or even get paid. That’s what distance relationships without any set of objectives. They are in an unsustainable state of uncertainty until the distance is closed.
The catch 22 is that depending on where you are in a relationship, talking about plans to move to be together may be premature and put unnecessary pressure on them. There is no formula to avoid this problem, unfortunately.
If you can not make plans to pick up and move across the state or the country at present, at least plan your next Hangout before the end of the current. No need plans (which can be very expensive to start) travel necessarily, but have a goal that we hope can help relieve some of the stress of seeing your beloved moment.
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Long distance relationships are 90% Promises
When I started in my first major long distance relationship, I was lucky to have a friend, tell me something that helped frame many of our problems in the right light. She said: “A long distance relationship is not really a relationship is only the promise of one.”. Now I want to emphasize that this is not something that I totally agree with. I think what some trivializes the very real connections. I am now very happy with my girlfriend started as a long distance relationship, despite some initial stoniness.
However, we are by far the exception. Although the warning may not be universally accurate, the truth is that when you are in a long distance relationship, many promises are made. “Things will be different when we’re together.” “When we live in the same city, we’ll do lots of fun things.” “I’ll be there, so you can take food / take care of you while you’re sick / do things that do not allow me to post on Lifehacker.” You can be the sincerest person on the planet, but this does not change the fact that you accumulate a lot of promises that you will need to meet later or break the illusion.
If your relationship starts locally and long distance moving, it might be easier to get an idea of what comes out. But if you’ve never known someone, or you get to a point where he spent more time outside together, you must keep their hopes in check. It is so easy that we imagine how things will be perfect then discover that life is more complicated. It can be done. Absolutely. But a self-evaluation component is necessary sober.
As I said at the beginning of this piece, I can not say how or have perfect perpetually happy relationship. I can not even guarantee that this will help with the problem of distance. I can say, however, that this is a problem that can be overcome. Much work is needed, and not everyone will realize it, but you can be out of the long distance of the situation and have a chaotic local regular relationship, disorderly, like everyone else.