12 signs that it’s time to move from a relationship
If you are in a relationship that seems to be going nowhere, maybe it’s time to move on. Here are the first 12 signs of knowing when it is time to move from a relationship. These Signs Well written with love relationships in mind apply to friendships as well.
1. When you live in past memories than in the present.
Repeat the happiest moments of the relationship so that you feel good? Is it used as reasons to continue with him / her? If so, it is a sign that your current relationship is not as you want it to be. The more we live in the last memories and / or the future created by ourselves, the more we live in a self-created reality. This situation is dangerous because it does not reflect the actual state of the relationship.
Remember that your relationship with the person exists at the moment. Not in the past. The memories of the past must remain as memories and not as a reason to stay together. Your decision on whether to stay with the person should be based on their current feelings for him / her, the actual state of the relationship and the future you see him / her.
2. When the relationship brings you more pain than joy.
Sometimes we tend to be blinded by the last happiest moments of the relationship. To the extent that we forget all the misfortune that brings. If your relationship leaves you frustrated / annoyed / unhappy most often; If your relationship leaves in tears from time to time, maybe this might not be the right person for you. The relationship in which you should now be bringing you happiness now. Like # 1, if the main source of happiness in your relationship is a past memory, something is wrong.
3. When he / she expects to change.
The truest form of love is that which is unconditional. Should not have to change unless it is for their well-being (like quitting smoking or adopting a healthier diet) Your partner. Some of my friends had exes who wanted to move around, how to dress most often to look prettier or lose weight when the friend had a healthy weight. There was even one that actually suggested to my friend to shave his arms and legs because he felt it was a given for the girls!
4. When you stay on, hoping he / she will change.
This applies to the other person as much as it applies to you. If you stay in / enter the relationship hoping that the person to change, you are in for the wrong reason. You are trying to change the person to meet their expectations, rather than accepting him as the person he / she is.
Even if the person makes changes quickly what you want him / her to change. He will never be completely satisfied with how he / she is. The worst thing is, if the other person does not know, he / she will continue to change just to meet your expectations. In the end, he / she will end up being your shadow.
What happened between my ex-best friend, K, and me. Although we are not in a loving relationship, some of the problems we face in our friendship are probably similar to what others face in their romantic relationships. Through our friendship, I began to see him as an extension of myself, rather than as a separate individual. K did not have a very strong identity at the time, so unfortunately continued to change to fit what I wanted. In the end, it became my shadow. After 10 years of friendship, we had to separate, because he was the best way to grow up as individuals – for he grew up alone and for me to grow in mine too.
5. When you continue to justify your actions for you.
Whenever we experience a situation that we feel uncomfortable with, we experience cognitive dissonance. It refers to the discomfort of coping with something that is in conflict with our beliefs. When this happens, we try to find explanations, justifications so that we can feel the situation well.
This if we feel the need to justify an action, it means that we feel uncomfortable with the action itself and want to explain the discomfort. The danger behind this is that the explanations are self-created and may or may not be true. If you justify their actions several times, the relationship is built on its rationalizations, rather than reality. Chances are that you will live in their world of false assurances in the place of truth.
In 2005, I had an ambiguous relationship with a man (the same as I mentioned in the opening article, we’ll refer to him as “G”). Since behaving in a way that was more a friend than a friend, but without moving the relationship before, I would think of different reasons to justify why nothing was happening. Maybe I do not know what to do. Maybe he was shy. Maybe I did not know what to do with the relationship. Maybe studies were his priority. Maybe I should take the first step.
However, the reality is that I was not taking action. Everything else was done in my mind to bridge the gap between this reality and my expectations. By creating all these justifications, I had unconsciously created a mental puzzle that had to take off slowly in recent years.
To see reality as it is, to see actions as they are and to speak for themselves. In the end the actions speak more than words.
6. When he / she is causing emotional / physical / verbal harm.
Physical and verbal abuse is a no-no. There is clearly something wrong if the other party has abused / watches / curses / swears at you, no matter how he / she tries to do it later. Even if you can be the pulse of the moment, the fact that he / she leaves at this time shows that there is something deep inside him / her that you need to respond to.
Emotional pain is more complicated. Many people deny emotional harm because it is not visible. Ignore him, and he’s not there. But emotional harm is hurt anyway, if not worse. The hardest to cure wounds are emotional, not physical.
7. When the same situation / problem persists even if you tried to correct it.
Once that could be a coincidence. Twice, you may want to give them another chance. But 3 times is a clear sign that something is wrong. I finally realized that nothing came from the relationship between G and I after our loop is reproduced for the third time. Every time I did what I could to make it work, but always stopped at the same end. There was more than enough evidence that it was the end.
Do you find yourself in repeat mode in your relationship? Yet you landing in the same situation, the same scenario, same result, again and again, no matter what you do? If so, maybe you have to accept this relationship is the farthest can reach. You can keep pushing, but it is a matter of time before it flows in that there is nothing more to do. This is the end of the road. There is a future for you and for him, and this relationship is not the road to that future.
8. When he / she puts little or no effort into the relationship.
Each relationship requires effort by the duo. This also applies to family ties, friendships, mentoring and certainly love. Both must commit to the relationship together. If you are constantly the one who puts more effort, sooner than later will drain. You must give more and more just to keep the relationship afloat. Unless trying this imbalance, it will become bigger and bigger over time only. Soon his whole being is immersed in him, losing his own identity in the process.
9. When your core values ??and beliefs are different.
For any friendship or an employment relationship, there must be some similarity in the core values. Similarity of these values ??are the large stones that keep friendship in place. Even if other things are different, big rocks can resist friendship even through the most difficult storms to come.
On the other hand, if your basic values ??are fundamentally different, it does not matter if everything else is the same. The journey of keeping the relationship together does not become a difficult battle. It is like trying to hold the ground floor in a heavy rain. Without tree roots to maintain the soil at the same time, everything will slip against their best efforts.
10. When the relationship holds you back, thus avoiding both growing up as individuals.
A relationship is ultimately a third entity formed due to two individuals. Each relationship evolves according to how both parties are growing. Sometimes both parties develop at the same rate. There are times when the relationship stagnates, where the two parties do not grow. Then, there are moments when one takes the other, by a large margin.
When this happens, you have two options (i) change the dynamics of the relationship to adapt to this new development, or modify yourself to keep the same dynamic. It is more important first to be faithful to ourselves. Determine who you are and who you want to be, and then decide if this relationship is the one that is compatible with you. A relationship that keeps you growing on your own is not the best for you.
11.When you stay on, things hoping to get better.
This is similar to # 1, except what belongs to the future. As the way you do not live in the past, they do not live in the future. You can expect to be better in the future, but the fact is that you live now. If the only thing that makes you stand out is the hope for a better future, the relationship is not based on solid foundations. The future you desire is one of the many opportunities that can occur, a possibility that can never come to reality. It is dangerous to base the fate of the relationship in something that could not happen. A building built on a fragile foundation will plant itself to an unsightly finish when the foundation gives way.
12. When neither feels the same way to each other.
Things change. People change. If the feelings are not there, it’s time to move on. Some of you can stay in a relationship even if the feelings are gone. It may be part of your routine and you do not know what to do once you break. Some of you continue because the relationship is still serving a functional purpose, like the company.
However, a relationship without mutual feelings is like a heartless body. No soul, no life in it. If you have more feelings for the other party is made to stay in the other person an injustice. More importantly, there is a great injustice done. It is best for him / her and you way part so that you can move on to better places.