Trying not to be Awkward Around guys and girls
On the surface, the conversation seems easy enough. You talk, you talk even once, right? But then you find yourself in one of these uncomfortable situations when looking for someone you barely know and must find a way to keep the conversation interesting. These are the most common mistakes we all make, and how to avoid them.
These errors can occur with strangers or people you’ve known for years, it is not limited to the conversation. If you just meet someone new, we have already talked about doing a little better about it, but these tips help you out of any embarrassing situation.
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You compliment enough (and not well accepted compliments)
Assuming that you have been on the receiving end of a compliment at some point in your life, you know that when someone makes you feel good, which tends to make you enjoy the conversation more. It is a seemingly simple tactic to improve the conversation and can be used in almost all social situations.
The basic idea here is to complement the speaker and make them feel good about themselves. Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion author Dr. Robert Cialdini offers two tips to do so:
honest compliments. It may not be easy, especially if the person has been moving away from you for a while. But if you’re objective, it is likely to have qualities that you admire. If you take positive steps and complete well you can break the ice and to re-evaluate their perception of you.
Ask his opinion. Cialdini notes this strategy is to ask your professional advice, book suggestions, etc., is the founder Ben Franklin, a master of politics and relationships. “Now that committed the State’s commitment and consistency,” says Cialdini, who are in their actions (giving you advice or a book) and draw a conclusion that (as you really should), a phenomenon surprisingly common in psychology.
The best part? A study published in the Journal of Marketing Research, which did not even offer my sincere congratulations. When most people receive a compliment, even a sincere immediately feel better about themselves and talk a whole. Therefore, break the ice by complimenting tie, admire a well thought out argument, or praise an idea.
Of course, when someone gives you a compliment, it can be difficult to accept that without being uncomfortable. In this case, The Art of Manliness has you covered:
The first step to abandon the false modesty of the routine is finished deflection realize that fully accept compliments does not make you vain. It does not come with praise himself, someone else did! You’re just confirms someone else, and again, it is more polite to accept and appreciate their judgment rather than contradict.
Second, it is well proud part of something that did well. A little pride not involve inflated sense of their worthy achievements or qualities – just an honest assessment of what he did. It is likely to be modest, while being grateful and friendly. So what is the best response to a compliment? Get ready for this … “Thanks.” That’s all. There is never a situation where a simple, no frills Please will not work.
Here. Just politely say “thank you” and move along. It is much easier than many of us make it out to be!
You do not listen
You’ve probably heard before that one of the most important aspects of good conversation is a good listener, but is more than just sit and listen to the other person speaks. In fact, you need to listen and respond in a way that shows that contributes to the conversation. This refers to active listening.
We mentioned earlier active listening and the basics are fairly simple. You must listen, make comments that show that paying attention, repeat back the key sections, and ask questions that advance the discussion. Forbes active listening described this way:
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Active listening is all about capturing and really understand the other person sent messages. nonverbal assessment is included, as well as verbal messages. the posture of a person, the tone of voice and facial expressions are all examples of non-verbal messages. Active listening also involves understanding the current situation in the context of the person and backstory scenarios and expectations of the person
Essentially, you want to pay attention and respond to all the words that come out of the mouth of a person in their non-verbal cues. Then respond and paraphrasing reflecting the conversation to keep moving forward productively. It is much more difficult than it sounds, but it is a great way to get people on both sides of the conversation off with a better understanding of everything that was discussed.
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You do not ask the right questions
This is probably the easiest thing to be considered a better talker than they really are: a lot of questions. When it does, people will feel like you are doing a great job in the conversation, even if you do nothing.
The Wall Street Journal summed up the way very good questions, as follows:
People love to talk about themselves and often seen as a great conversationalist if you talk to them and not himself. Do not let the conversation position after the person has responded to be ready with follow-up questions or build on the subject. And avoid the obvious questions. Cathy Svacina, 60, marble and experts referee Kansas City tournament, Missouri, likes to ask people what they do for fun. “This tells me immediately about what they are about what they do for work,” she said.
This probably sounds pretty explicit, but as we have noted above, most people are terrible at asking questions. To fix this, you can ask all kinds of questions a conversation value, but remember to keep the mouth open (like “What? Where? Who? Or What?) And avoiding stereotypical questions like” What do ? “or” What is it that time? “When you can.
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You are trying too hard to “Be Yourself”
Often we are told to be “we” in conversation, but it’s not exactly the best approach in all situations. Sometimes (and usually for some of us) is exactly the opposite of what you should do in a conversation, “be yourself”. In fact, you want to put your best foot forward and do some theater.
Basically, it is sometimes a good idea to “fake it until you make it” in conversation. A project more confidence with language specific body and you know what you’re talking about, stressing that it knows. the same idea applies here and there is nothing wrong with doing a little theater during a conversation to make things better.
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It seems a little naive, but research published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science suggests that a positive self-presentation, even when it is, gives a better impression of his real personality. We also know that human beings tend to prefer cockiness about the experience when it comes to conversation, so when you project their “best”, you really will feel more confident and you tend to make conversation the most interesting general.
That said, not too much. Research has shown that the name of drip, personal sacrifice and offering does not necessarily work. They end up making people who do not like. It projects confidence and not be full of yourself.
You dominate the conversation
Everyone hates when someone dominates a conversation, but it is very difficult to achieve when you are doing right now. Even if you do not consider yourself a great conversationalist, it is possible to dominate a conversation just because you are nervous or excited about a subject.
Do you see yourself through conversation so you do not end up talking all the time. The Wall Street Journal has two suggestions to keep dominating the conversation:
Avoid his favorite subject, be it opera or Shih Tzu or otherwise is likely to talk too much.
With dialogue snorting, can be expansive. But beware. If the other person talks too much, provide information about itself. If you pause and the other person changes the subject, which has dominated.
This may seem contradictory to avoid his favorite subject, but it is very helpful in the beginning of a relationship so you do not accidentally dominate the conversation. Once you know someone well enough you can get into these issues together, but avoided from the start.
Whether you are a bit uncomfortable in the conversation or the person who always has something to say, we are to improve our conversational habits. The basic principles above are a good step by step stone to do it.