Learning to stop Hating Yourself
We are all prone to a bit of self-hatred from time to time, and sometimes that is a dark road that can only worsen. Fortunately, it is not too difficult to fight if you can get yourself in the right mindset.
Confidence is important, but it is sometimes easier to wallow in a pool of such profound doubts trust seems a distant goal. Hating you is a different game where you are so obsessed with their flaws who refuse to accept the voucher. You sit in front of a public who applauds, but it’s not like you save the world. You have the perfect job in the perfect society but does not manage the people you want. Have you finished a 10K, but can not complete a marathon. You can go on and on. No matter how much you achieve, even you hate. We’ll fix that.
Finding a place to restore your mind
Often these moments are fleeting self-loathing, pushed by a hard day at the office or a particularly nasty break behind. In such cases, you can approach it as you would any other mental decline: find a quick solution. Using a book Anneli Rufus thinning “Unworthy, such Psych Central suggest finding where you hate less:
For starters, Rufus found a place he hated less: by the sea … a wild ride, splashing the sea “The sea does not expect anything from me,” he says. “I can not disappoint the sea. Whatever. I do not hate, do not love me, do not ask who I am or what I wear because it does not matter whether I am or I am not there. Ruge the sea, anyway. ”
His place could be anywhere. It could be the local coffee shop, a hackerspace in your city, a particular park or another. The point is to find where you can go when you remember that the world is much bigger than just you. If you’re like me, then get as far away from your work or home as possible. I took a strange place on the beach along the bike path where few people tend to hang out. It is quiet, remote, and a great place to restore all stupid in my head.
Identify your niche
Also, find their place in the world. Once you identify the features that are impressive, it is much easier to focus on them and feel better about yourself. Instead of feeling bad that you can do, you can think of all the things you can.
There’s an easy trap to fall into when you hate, where his accomplishments do not feel much. There are opportunities, that is, at least partially, as it focuses on the wrong things. It can not be increased in small talk, but that does not mean that I am very bad in the conversation. It is easier to fight for what can not be done rather than knowing what better.
Find your workplace on many levels as well. His place could be a character trait (you’re nice, you’re a good problem-solver, whatever) or may be a set of skills. matter what it is he really does not, the important thing is to find a focus on their strengths rather than their weaknesses.
It has many tools for really what you are best at. The most obvious are to simply write a list of its features, but if you are not sure what your niche, it’s time to think more like a browser. Try new things, find this thing that you are better than most people, and run with it. It is amazing what a “good” can make your general self-respect.
Practice a little self-knowledge
One problem with self-hatred often comes from an excess of humility. Only, humility is not a bad trait to have. Adopted is too far a barrier that prevents recognize his achievements and accept compliments.
The trick is to make a few attempts to get to know each other. A self-loather did consider others see them. In turn, it is easy to ignore the praise someone because you do not feel genuine. Psychology Today is as follows:
But there is no right or wrong way to see you, there is no reference point around which the perceptions of others must turn Archimedean. evaluation of another person who is as valid as yours, and maybe more compared to how it relates to other people, if these relations are familiar, friends or lovers. Simply put, people who consider themselves to pleasant and unpleasant shocks can go to other people, and people who think they have nothing to offer to others can be seen by others as very interesting. The point is that you do not know much about yourself as you think …
This is one of those cognitive truths that is difficult to correct. If you are a self-loather, this feeling of inadequacy is around, no matter what you do. The trick, according to Psychology Today, is to do your best to remember that your perception of yourself is not complete, or someone more “correct” side. You can learn a lot from how other people see you, but you have to take what you learn and try to incorporate it into their own viewpoints.
Attack their preconceptions
Once you have a little more of this accumulated self-knowledge, it is time to attack the preconceived ideas you have about yourself to see how many people are true.
When you are busy hating you, you tend to focus on their failures and ignore what is real. We have seen again and again how badly these preconceived ideas about ourselves are. Being shy is nothing more than a habit, can completely change your world with a little effort, and when you expect to fail, which is much easier to treat. We think we know well, but that is often not the case.
Confronting it takes a bit of work, but much of it is out of your comfort zone and challenge their own “default view” of the world. In David Foster Wallace “This is water” end of the speech of studies above, reminds us that we tend to think automatically so that leaves us with a closed mind. Wallace speaks viewpoints that tend to oppose others, but his point is also valid for hate Naturally, we all tend to do it for ourselves. Take a step back to the default view and is likely to see the error of their preconceptions are. If you feel like a failure, ask you how you really failed. If you feel lousy, remember all that is big on. If the default view is that you are the worst person there, think about the amount of damage that has actually caused the world.
Stop worrying about what others think
Although there are many mental somersaults they have to do to get more hate you, one of the main causes of self-hatred comes from what you think others expect of you. The trick is to really stop giving a shit what other people think. Author, Julian Smith said better than most:
You get rid of things that do not matter; if you remove these things from your mind and focus on what needs to be done; If you understand that your time is limited and decide to work now; Only then you will be able to reach the finish line. Otherwise, I am discouraged to live a life that is not interested.
Note: It is necessary to manage the failure and the best dark. You may be in a difficult place right now where you feel alone or as a loser. Do not worry, we’ve all been there. But it is the time that you realize how common are these things, and have experience, even for the most successful and happiest people in the world. They pass, and you too.
Once you accept these difficult times, failures, screwups and social gatherings poisoned as the norm, which is much easier to pull back looking in the eyes and see yourself for who you are: just another person trying not to mess things up on someone else.