telling someone you like them
It would be great if we could all just get along, but if you met a handful of people in your life to know that is not an unrealistic expectation. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you just need to tell someone who does not work. Whether the break with a lover, let go of a friend, or just trying to shake someone boring, here is how to make work uncomfortable.
First, there is always more than one way to handle an uncomfortable social situation. No suggestion will work every time. It is necessary to study the atmosphere, consider the person trying, and remember your ultimate goal or why he broke the bad news. I’m in this situation too often and I am far from an expert, so I asked people who are a handful of ordinary people on the Internet. That’s what I learned.
Make sure you take the right decision
Rejection is unpleasant for everyone, and anyone who says he does not like is probably one of the worst. For this reason, you do not want to take the decision lightly. You must be sure that you do not want this person in your life in some capacity or completely before finding a way to tell them. Student in clinical psychology doctoral and Brian Newton trainee therapist suggests that you consider your primary objectives:
If for example a client asked me, “How can I tell X that I do not like?” My first question would be why they wanted to tell the person; what your target is. There are many people in our lives that we do not like, but are not always effective to tell them, not far from our goals. If someone does not like their boss and they need their work, saying that is probably not effective at what they really want. So in fact I would say that the most useful question is, “What I want from this person?”
If you want this person in your life, you have to consider the situation. As Brian points out, tell your boss does not like it will not be terribly useful. When your goal is to eliminate your boss of your life, it is probably much easier to just find another job. If you have a pesky co-worker, you probably want to consult your HR department before taking any action yourself. Personal relationships are a little more freedom, but not necessarily want to burn a bridge if necessary. Be sure to discuss your options and consider the possible results. Sometimes it makes more sense to simply put little effort into a personal relationship to end. If you feel a close, it is in your interest, however, read on.
Do not be a shower bag
I think it goes without saying that you should not say when someone says they do not like. After all, the interaction is as unpleasant and even if they feel the same way for you, it is something that is even more to hear. That said, I know the people insensitive, simply because it is easier and am known me to be wrong unintentionally. Sometimes you screw just up, but at least you can try to be friendly. As a marriage and family therapist Roger Gil points out, it is not only what to do, but it really is in your best interest to deadline:
It is always important to respect the feelings of another person (provided they do not lack his or passing respect for borders). In addition, it means that your “rejectee” could return to someone who wants to date and give a reputation “idiot”.
I probably acquired the “idiot” label with some people unintentionally. Sometimes I tried to be nice, but nice can often appear to be misleading. If I have learned from my mistakes, it is important to find the line between being firm and being respectful. Be firm is often necessary for clarity and may sound harsh, but it is usually best to provide people with uncertainty. The confusion ultimately hurt more in the long term.
Prepared in advance and awkward map
As humans, we like to try to eliminate the discomfort and conflict of every situation, but it is often unavoidable. It is best to understand that some situations are unpleasant, accept this reality, and I think a little discomfort now much discomfort will save on the road. There will also be times when you will be surprised by someone’s interest, which can help to have a list of answers to avoid creating additional problems. Roger Gil says:
In preparing the canned responses, it is important to be honest. “I have a boyfriend / girlfriend” or “I’m not looking to date anyone right now” are not good answers, if not the truth, because if your rejectee sees you behave very similar one, or see your online dating profile, simply to create the uncomfortable situation he wanted to avoid I would say something like… “I’m flattered you seem to be a good person, but I do not see it that way J admire your assertiveness, though. ” The idea is to establish the truth while communicating respect for the other person. If they are relatively “normal”, which will take this as a sign to leave with his pride intact. If they become insistent, they do not respect their wishes, or make a scene, so make sure your subject is and facing yourself in the same appropriately.
When a non-romantic relationship ends, you will not be able to give an answer. You must open the bad news, which is always uncomfortable. Of course, you want to be as kind and gentle as possible, but when you say you do not want to be friends is important to remember two things: be clear and precise. When you are coming with a ready answer, avoid statements like this:
“I do not think we can still be friends.”
The problems here are the words “I do not think.” This leaves room for interpretation and additional issues to be uncomfortable answering. The person who is rejected may wonder why you do not believe, try to provide counter arguments. What works best is a statement like this:
“I do not want to stay friends.”
This seems hard to read, and you can certainly precede the statement with a little softer to make it easier to swallow (eg, “I must tell you something hard and I’m sorry so to speak the language, because I do not want to hurt you, but wants to be as clear as possible “). chances are you will be asked to explain why, no matter how you say it, so be prepared to offer an explanation that has more to do with you than it does with them. you do not want to fall into “it’s not you is me” territory, but also do not want to leave room for questions and endless discussion. It just shows that you not like spend time with them should be more than enough. This is something difficult to say, but the alternative would be much worse. You do not want to spend the next hour to explain all the reasons, and will not listen. When a person asks a lot of questions is usually because they want to try to change his mind. If you are sure that you do not want this person in your life, it is best to keep most details. The fact that you do not like one (or more) aspects of your personality does not mean someone else will not, and there is no sense to make them think they are bad. Unless present a universally terrible behavior and tell them to get everyone they are still, in reality, there is no place to judge another for what they are. The only decision you want to make is whether or not they are compatible with you.
Understanding how people like bad news
When I asked Lifehacker readers and other web how they prefer to receive themselves the bad news, the answers vary slightly. For most people fall into two camps: either they preferred to hear the bad news quickly and tear the bandage, or just wanted without confrontation and wanted to get the tacit message with a lack of contact. So how can you tell a specific person that you prefer? You ask.
Curiously, it is actually easy to do in almost all contexts. When will know a person, which simply raises a situation where he had to break the bad news to someone in the past. All you have to say is they did not know how to handle the situation, because it is essentially a request for advice. Whoever you talk to would tell you how to be said, and if you need to tell you they do not like to know exactly how. Knowing not eliminate the awkwardness of the situation, but at least you can be sure it is not close to the conversation in the dark.
You can prepare all you want, but ultimately not know what will happen. His efforts could lead to a problem. Sometimes you make mistakes and be your fault, and sometimes the person who tries to find is emotionally unstable. It’s a rough situation and is normal to feel bad for a while. This means that actually gives a crap about other people and that is a good thing. Just do not dwell on the bad feelings too long. At some point, you probably know someone who is going to have to say the same thing. They can make mistakes, too, so forgive. No one is just perfect.